It isn't always easy
by Jlynne33
Summary: After ten years of marriage Bella starts to question whether or not they should be together. This is the story of Edward's journey to win her back.
1. Chapter 1

**I own my plot but S. Meyer owns the characters**

"Baby…"

"Uh-unh."

"Yes, honey, wake up."

With a groan Bella Cullen opened one eye to see the smiling face of her husband peeking over her shoulder. The all night rotation he had in his hospital residency was killing her. This 4am wake up call was first time she had seen her husband in three days. Between her running the kids around town and working in the local school and Edward's intense hospital schedule, they never saw each other.

Bella shivered lightly as she felt his hand run over the curve of her spine to rest lightly on her underwear clad bottom. At the end of the day she was so exhausted she just stripped to her underwear and fell into bed. As she thought of it she started to get annoyed. Everything was on his time, now that HE had a free minute she was expected to just wake up and be ready for sex. What about when she had needs and he was nowhere to be found? Edward was currently kneading the muscles in her lower back and kissing her naked shoulder blade, while it did feel good she was so frustrated by the thoughts running through her head that she flipped over and glared at him. He didn't immediately notice her look of annoyance as his eyes immediately went to her naked breasts.

They had been married for ten years and she enjoyed that he still looked at her the way he did the day they got married when she had turned eighteen. When they had walked down the aisle shortly after graduation she had been three months pregnant with their first son, their second son was born three years later. It hadn't been easy on them between the two of them finishing college and Edward going onto medical school, but somehow they had always made it work. But Edward's schedule had him gone most of the week, often sleeping at the hospital instead of coming home as he only had a few hours of downtime. Bella had begun to feel like a single parent and was getting to her breaking point. Not only that, they hadn't even had sex in months and now Edward was sneaking in in the middle of the night expecting it. While her body was aching for him, she just couldn't turn it on like that without any acknowledgement of the problems they had been having.

When he finally met her eyes his forehead creased in confusion. "What's wrong baby?"

Bella groaned in frustration and slammed her fists against the bed, "You can't just waltz in here and pretend you haven't been MIA Edward. It doesn't work like that. I'm not here for you just to have sex with when you need it and abandon me the rest of the time!"

"Abandon you? What the fuck are you talking about?" Edward looked at her incredulously.

"You're never here Edward. You're gone for days at a time. I'm here by myself, taking care of our kids."

"You knew this is what it would be like Bella. Becoming a doctor is hard work. I'm just trying to give us a better life. I didn't work so hard going to school days AND nights just to half ass it now that I'm finally a real doctor!"

"I knew it would be hard Edward, but I didn't expect to be completely abandoned. You haven't touched me in months and now you just come home in the middle of the night and expect me to DO YOU and then you'll just leave again. Even when you have free time you stay at the hospital!"

"I only have a couple hours off at a time and it's easier just to stay there when I know I'll be going right back there anyway!"

Bella looked at the bedspread and then looked up at him with tears in her eyes, her anger fading away to something much deeper, "I'm not sure I can do this anymore Edward," she said quietly, not meeting his eyes as she said it.

Edward stared at her in shock. His jaw slightly unhinged. Suddenly he jumped of the bed and started pacing the room. His hands went into his already messy auburn hair and began to tug. He was pacing like a caged animal when he suddenly turned to her, "You can't just say that to me."

"Edward I…"

"No."

"What do you mean 'no' Edward?"

"Exactly what I said, no. You aren't leaving me." He said with fire in his eyes.

Bella sputtered, "But…that's not how it works…you just can't, you can't…you just don't get to come home and it's your way or no way Edward. You haven't BEEN HERE."

Edward dropped to his knees by the bed still running his hands through his hair in nervous habit. "Bella this can't be over, it just can't. You and the kids are everything. You can't leave me." All of the fight had seemed to leave his body.

Bella looked at him with sad eyes, "Edward I do love you. I just can't do this alone anymore. I don't want to be angry all the time. It isn't fair to me and it isn't fair to the kids. We both deserve better then to come in second to your work."

Tears had started to form in his eyes, "Baby, I'll do better I promise. Just DON'T leave. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought if I was successful then we wouldn't have to worry like we did in the beginning. I'm sorry. Please don't leave me."

Bella looked away, not being able to face him any more. "I think you should go back to the hospital Edward. I need time to think and I can't with you here. I love you too much and when you look at me like that I just want to forgive you, and I can't just pretend the past year hasn't happened. I've been alone in the marriage for a long time. Sorry isn't just going to fix this."

"You want me to leave?" Edward asked in a dead voice.

"Yes. I think that's best." Bella said while tugging the covers up over herself tighter.

Edward rose from his knees and looked at her for a long time before running a hand through his ruined hair and turning from her. He grabbed a bag and threw some clothes in it. When he reached the door he looked over his shoulder, "this isn't over. I'll give you time if that's what you want. But I'm not letting you go. You're mine, and I'm yours. That's how it's been since we were sixteen years old, and that's how it will always be." He said fiercely and walked out the door. As it clicked shut Bella collapsed against the pillows and let the tears finally come.

**Please review and let me know what you think! I'm trying my hand at longer stories and need the feed back! Do I continue?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Don't own it! S. Meyer is a goddess!**

After what seemed like only a few hours Bella was jolted awake when two very hyper boys jumped on top of her. Bella peeked her swollen eyes open at them, and was met with two huge grins.

"Come downstairs Mom! We made you breakfast!"

Bella threw her arms around them and pulled them close, breathing in their familiar scents. She quickly blinked off her tears and leaned back to smile at them, "How did I get so lucky? The two most handsome men in the world making me breakfast?"

The responded with giggles and pulled her off the bed. Thankfully after Edward had left she had changed into one of his T-shirts and boxers out of nostalgia. Thinking of this she tucked her chin and smelled the familiar scent of his cologne, the same one she had bought him for their first anniversary together.

_Bella was running around the kitchen in their very tiny apartment with six month old Seth on her hip. Edward was due home from class any moment and Bella was trying to put together a romantic meal for their first wedding anniversary. Seth was screaming in her ear and she couldn't figure out what was wrong. She had tried breast feeding him, changing his diaper, peek-a-boo, nothing seemed to work. She was stirring the pasta with one hand and holding him to her in the other while bouncing him on her hip. She turned to start one handedly putting the salad together when she knocked into the chopping block sending all her ingredients all over the kitchen floor. She stared in disbelief at the mess while Seth started pounding on her shoulder with his tiny fists, his wails increasing. Slowly she slid to the floor and sat amongst the mess with Seth in her lap and just cried. That was where Edward found her twenty minutes later. Wordlessly he took Seth from her arms and within seconds the baby quieted. This only made Bella's crying turn into sobs. Her own baby hated her. She put her face in her hands and started to sob harder. Edward jiggled Seth a few more times and went to put him down in his crib, as he was clearly over tired from his crying jab. When he returned he sunk to his knees in front of his wife. _

"_What's wrong love?" He asked while taking her face into his own hands_

_She looked up at him with tearstained cheeks and hiccupped. Edward bit his lip to try and hide a smile. It didn't work and she smacked his chest and glared, which only turned his smile into a full fledged laugh._

"_I'm sorry baby, really, what's wrong." He asked when he had calmed down._

_She gestured around the kitchen and muttered, "Everything." under her breath. Edward surveyed the damage and quickly stood up and turned off the stove as the pasta had started to boil over. _

"_Honey, its fine, we'll just get pizza. Don't worry about it." _

_Bella shook her head, "It's our first anniversary Edward, I wanted it to be special!"_

_He kissed her cheeks gently and then her forehead. He picked her up from the floor and put her in his arms, hugging her small body to him, "It's special because we're together honey, and we have Seth, everyday is perfect. One meal and one day doesn't matter."_

"_Seth hates me."_

_Edward laughed at her incredulously, "What are you talking about? You're his mother, he loves you."_

"_No, he always cries! Then you come in and he adores you! I just feel like I can't do anything right anymore."_

"_Baby you're being ridiculous. Seth loves you, I love you. You're the perfect wife and mother. I'm so lucky to have you."_

_Bella looked up into his eyes and smiled slightly, "You're trying to make me feel better, and I was supposed to make tonight perfect. You always fix everything. I love you."_

_They ended up eating pizza at their tiny kitchen table and listened to their sons happy baby gurgles through the baby monitor. _

Bella shook her head and brought herself back to the present as she followed her boys into the kitchen. Her eyes widened in shock at the display in front of her. On the breakfast bar there was a bouquet of Gerber daisies, which had always been her favorite flower. Also on the bar, was a stack of blueberry heart shaped pancakes with fresh whipped cream and a steaming cup of coffee. She looked at her sons suspiciously but they had twin angelic grins on their faces.

"Who helped you with this boys?"

"No one Mommy, we did it because we love you." Seth said, while little Masen nodded his head enthusiastically.

Slowly she sat on a stool and began to eat, while eyeing her boys skeptically. When the pancakes hit her tongue she groaned in delight. They were delicious. Her sons were bouncing in place trying to hide their excitement. When she squinted her eyes in their direction the placed their little hands over their mouths and tried to hold back their giggles.

She was distracted when her cell phone started to go off, playing "More Than Words" by Eric Clapton. Her heart gave a jolt because that was Edward's ring tone. She picked it up to read the text message and put her hand over her heart as if to hold it in place.

_When I think of you, I think of you at eighteen with daisies woven in your hair, walking down the aisle to me. I won't give up. _

Her eyes immediately went to the daisies in the vase on the counter. Her eyes drifted shut and she swallowed the lump in her throat. When she opened them, her boys were staring at her curiously, so she gave them a blinding smile, that threatened to break her face.

"I love you both very much, thank you so much for this." She stood up and kissed them both on the top of the head, "but now up to get dressed, it's almost time to get on the bus!"

With groans they trudged up the stairs. She followed them up momentarily later, after first depositing the daisies in the trash. She had to stay strong. Not only for herself, but for the boys. Edward had to know she meant business. They couldn't just be afterthoughts to him anymore.

Later in the day, she was sitting at her desk staring off into space, while her students took a text over the book, "Of Mice and Men", there was a knock on her class room door and she went out to the hall after warning her students to keep their eyes on their own papers.

In the hall the school secretary was handing her a huge bouquet of mixed colored daisies. With a groan and thanks Bella returned to her classroom and placed them on her desk. She checked quickly that her students were staying on task, then pulled out her cell phone.

_You need to give me space. I can't think clearly with you making grand gestures._

Almost immediately she felt her phone vibrate with a response.

_I miss you._

Bella rolled her eyes and fired back a response, _I've missed you for months._

This time the response wasn't as immediate.

_You aren't being fair. I want to try to make this better. Meet me for dinner._

Bella sighed and thought it over. Did she stick to her guns, or should she meet him to try and work it out for the sake of the boys?

_Fine. Meet me at the bar in the lobby of the Plaza for a drink at 6._

Seconds after she hit send she received one back.

_Thank you._

_At 5:30 that evening Bella was standing in the middle of their walk in closet in her underwear looking at her side of the racks helplessly. What do you wear to a meeting with the man you're desperately in love with, but are trying to convince to you space? Part of her wanted to make his jaw drop when she walked in the room, the other half thought it more appropriate to show up in a snowsuit. In the end she decided on a simple black wrap dress and red heels to keep it interesting. She completed the look with the gold chandelier earrings Edward had given her on their fifth Christmas together. _

_She walked into the lounge ten minutes late, but her eyes immediately found him. He was settled at a table with two comfy chairs a few feet from the bar. She walked to him after nervously tugging at her dress. He stood when he saw her approach and rested a hand on her forearm while leaning into kiss her cheek. She closed her eyes when she felt rather than heard him whisper in her ear that she looked beautiful. He gestured for her to sit in the chair adjacent to his and pushed a glass of red wine towards her. She smiled her thanks and noticed he had gone with scotch. It always amused her that once he hit twenty-five he had switched from beer to scotch which had always been his father, Carlisle's drink of choice. _

_Edward cleared his throat, which drew her eyes to him. He was dressed in the suit she could only assume he had worn to the hospital, as his shirt and tie looked a little rumpled. "Thank you for meeting me Bella. I really think we should talk this out like adults."_

_The statement got under her skin. Was he implying she was being impulsive and childish? "Edward I don't know what you think I meant last night, but I was serious. And I didn't come to that decision overnight, or without thought."_

"_I know that you meant it Bella. I just don't know why. We don't fight anymore than normal couples. And I love you. That has to count for something."_

"_It does count Edward. I love you too, you know that. But you're never there. I understand you have a demanding job. But you haven't even been trying. You just assume I'll take care of everything with the house and the boys. I'm tired Edward. I'm tired of being everyone's everything, and then going to bed alone every night. I've needed you, and you haven't been there."_

_Edward glanced down at the table top before looking up at her, "I don't want to fight with you Bella. I want to be there for you. I do. I just am at a really difficult point in residency where I need to be there a lot. But it will get better, I promise you that."_

_Bella shook her head sadly, "Edward, it's so easy for you to just say it will get better. But I've been alone too long. Even when you have free time, you don't choose to spend it with me. We haven't had a night that's just the two of us in years. I feel like your housekeeper and nanny, not your wife."_

_Edward looked at her in shock and anger, "How can you say that? You're my wife. I've never not loved you Bella. I'm sorry I'm not there, I truly am. I really don't know what you want me to do though. I've told you I'll try harder and that it'll get better, but you aren't believing me. What do you want from me?"_

"_I want you to WANT to be with me Edward. I don't want you to do it because you think it's the only way I won't leave you. For the past few years I think you've liked the idea of me more than the actual me. You like having a wife at home and two kids to talk about with your colleagues but you don't actually enjoy us that much."_

"_How dare you?" He exploded at her. He lowered his voice when he noticed a few other patrons looking at them, "Those boys are my life. I love them more than I love myself."_

_Bella shook her head at him softly, "I know you love them Edward, but you don't go to their games or their parent teacher conferences, you aren't there to kiss their booboos better. It takes more than just loving them to be their father. They need you there. I don't know how to shoot a lay-up. How am I supposed to help Seth get ready for try-outs? You need to be there, not just say you love them."_

_Edward still looked angry but was making a visible effort to calm himself down. "Ok Bella, you've made yourself pretty clear. You think I don't care about you guys, and I'm all talk. I don't really agree but apparently the ball is totally in your court. If you're determined to not give me a chance to make this better I don't know what I can do."_

_Bella placed her hand on his arm, "Edward, I don't want you to be angry. I just need you to understand. If it was just me, maybe I could live with coming in second. But I have to think of the boys. It's not fair to them to see me cry when you don't follow through, and it isn't fair for them to think they aren't good enough for you to want to spend time with them. I love you, they love you, but we deserve better."_

"_So are you really giving up on us? On me?" He asked with a hint of desperation._

"_I don't know Edward. I don't want to. But right now I feel like I have to. This didn't happen over night. You've had a long time already to make this better, and you haven't. I think if you're serious about changing you should start with the boys. Make time for them Edward. They love you, and they need you."_

_Edward set his jaw, "I'll be there tomorrow when they're out of school."_

_Bella stared at him, "Are you sure? You can get out of working? I don't want them to be disappointed if you don't show up." _

"_I'll be there."_

_Bella sighed and nodded, "Okay, well I should get back to them. Rose is watching them, but she's eight months pregnant, and they can be a handful."_

_Edward nodded and stood up with her. As she started to leave he pulled her back to him and hugged her tight. _

"_Please don't give up on me," he whispered against her ear. Bella just bit her lip and closed her eyes against the tears. He gently pulled her lip from her teeth with his thumb then brushed it against her mouth. "I do love you Bella, I promise I'll prove that to you."_

_Bella just nodded slowly before turning and rushing out of the lounge. Once she reached her car she rested her head on the steering wheel. "What the hell am I doing?" She groaned out loud. _

_**If you like it or hate it, please review! It's hard to keep going without feedback!**_


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